And so I spent the summer of 2015 restricting my diet beyond what was healthy. I lost 46.6 pounds over June, July, and August. That I was obese to begin with helped mitigate some of the direst consequences of under eating. But as I researched more about nutrition and what I should be eating, I figured out how dangerous my eating habits had become. Fortunately, I was able to return to a healthier, though imperfect, weight loss pattern.
What I learned from this experience is that some people should never count calories. It’s so easy to become obsessed with them. I had never felt as powerful as I did when I watched how I could control my body, reshaping myself, by restricting what I ate. And it wasn’t just the change in my body, it was a change in my mind. I was filled with pride over my superior willpower, despite the fact that I was unhealthy.
Weight loss is not always the wonderful experience one might expect. I went into the process imagining a return to my teen years. That I would fit into the same clothes and do the same things. I was searching for my youth as much as I was searching for my waistline. But those days don’t come back.
In many ways, what I have now is markedly better than anything I ever had during my teen years. I may doze off on the couch early now and I don’t think I’ll ever go rollerblading again but I’ve replaced those experiences with new and exciting ones, such as running with a running club, watching my kids grow, and seeing my husband advance in his career.
Despite all of that, I was shocked to see how much my body had changed as a result of my weight gain and loss. The loss revealed bad stretch marks all over my body. My belly, my arms, my thighs, even my calves and the back of my knees now bear them. And loose skin, I now have a lot of that!
My physiology changed also. I have developed a low pulse rate. The average range is somewhere between 60 and 80, but mine is usually between 40 and 60. I also have something called vasovagal syncope now, which is a fancy way of saying I faint sometimes. And my heart palpitations, which I had occasionally before the loss are now more regular. I can get hundreds of them in a short period.
This sweatshirt reaches the middle of my thighs.
And one of the weirdest things I’ve noticed, and I’ve heard is not uncommon, is not being able to reconcile what your body used to look like and what it looks like now. When I shop for clothing, I find myself in the plus size section without even thinking about it. I bought a sweatshirt recently from my running club that is at least three sizes too large. And I tried it on before I bought it.
From what I understand, this can be a temporary or permanent condition. It makes a lot of sense to me though because as I had been gaining weight, I didn’t recognize the changes in myself then either.
In my next post, I’ll write more about how I changed my diet and what has been working for me. It’s not all salads!
Progress photos, the left is in June, the right in August:
